Learning to Let Go

I suppose this week was just one of many.

There will be more, like this.

The day her Daddy and I give her away, in a white dress, to the man of her dreams.

The day we move her from her college apartment to the city where she will start her big-kid job.

The day we drop her off at college, unpack boxes and decorate her dorm room.

The day we watch her walk across the stage with her high school diploma.

The day we wait, anxiously by the front door, for her high school prom date to pick her up.

The day her Dad hands her the keys to the car and we let her drive for the first time.

The day we take her "first day of school" kindergarten picture and drop her off at school.

The day we begin our new "normal" - mama back to work and her to daycare.

Each day, each milestone, each new chapter in life, carries with it, a valuable lesson in life.

A lesson in parenting.  A lesson in learning to let go.  Even if it is just a little bit each time.  With each new chapter in her life, we have to learn to let go.  It means trusting others who love her very much to take care and watch over her, it means trusting yourself that you've taught her all the important things in life that she'll need to be successful and have a good heart, and it means trusting her that she'll take everything she's learned from you and make you so very proud.

This week, I walked out the door, going back to a place I hadn't been in a dozen weeks.  A place that I only knew myself as my pre-bean-self.  Now I'm a working mama.  I have pictures of my daughter on my desk.  I'm juggling a career that I enjoy and a husband and daughter who I love with every ounce of my being. 

This week was hard.  I've spent nearly every single minute of every single day for the past twelve weeks with her, with only a few exceptions for a quick haircut, one Saturday morning full of errands, and dinner out while Grandma was still with us those first couple weeks.  And before these twelve weeks, we spent nine months together...morning, noon and night.  So one could expect this first week to be hard, especially for someone who likes to be in control.  Someone like me.

But I'm learning to let go...just a tiny, tiny bit. 

And I'm learning to trust. 

And I'm learning what it means to be a hard-working, career-driven, family-loving mama.

I know it's possible to do both.  And be good at doing both.  No one said it would be easy - but I've got the best husband, family and friends that any first-time mama in my shoes could ask for...so I know, without a doubt, we'll make it.  We'll establish our new "normal" and we'll go on. 

As I am leaning on many people in our village this week, I'm feeling all sorts of love and support (and I can't begin to tell you how much it is appreciated).  Wise words from my own mama remind us that the strong bond and deep love we've developed for our sweet Olivia is the reason it's so hard to leave her.  A strong bond that began the minute she was placed on my chest and has grown leaps and bounds with each passing day.  And from another woman, older and much wiser than me, I received these encouraging words..."so as you are, so once was I.  As I am now, so you will be."  She said, "Trish, the moral of this saying is that everyone in life goes through some of the same trials and situations.  You are not the first mama to leave her baby.  It is the people that have already been through these same experiences and end up OK, that serve as living proof that you too will survive."  And oh, how right they are.  We will survive.  

One thing is for certain though, as we're learning to let go, we're also learning to savor the minutes we spend with our little bean.  We're reminded to be present, truly present in the moment, and soak up the memories...even if it means the laundry sits for an extra day, or dinner is between two slices of bread rather than from a steaming pot out of the oven.  Right now, those things, they can wait. 


Because if I've learned anything in the last dozen weeks, it's how quickly time changes our little bean, who for the record, isn't that little anymore as is evidenced by the rolls on her little legs, arms and belly.  And who also, for the record, made her mama and daddy very proud this week as she has officially conquered rolling over. 


It's the little things that make us the most excited.  Her giggling.  Her babbling.  The look in her eyes when she starts on her tummy and ends on her back.  And her smile.  There's absolutely nothing better than that smile.  And those are the moments that I hang onto as I anxiously await for five o'clock.